This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
