An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
