Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
