I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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