I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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