My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
