I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
