you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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