I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize