This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
