im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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