Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
