Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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