This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
