and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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