Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize