the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
