I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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