I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
