Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
