It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
