last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
