she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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