have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
