New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
