I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
