You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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