i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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