dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Someone shit on the floor
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
