it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
