my mouth tastes like poor choices
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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