I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
