Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize