You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
