I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
