My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
