you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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