from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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