I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
