We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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