I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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