.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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