wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
