i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize