You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
