I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
someone owes me an orgasm
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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