Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
