sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
