Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
