i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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