Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
