dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
