Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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