I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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