If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
