And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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