I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
