that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
