It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
