i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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