i just identified you from a description of your pipe
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
