What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
50% drunk capacity currently
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
