My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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